Bad Fortune Cookies: December 2020

So folks, this is it! The final month of Bad Fortune Cookies 2020!

Let’s go for it, shall we? 🙂

December 2020

12/1/2020 #336 You will have a large family. Especially if they eat nothing but donuts every day.

12/2/2020 #337 A good time to start something new. Sorry I can’t be more specific about what or when.

12/3/2020 #338 Of all the things you wear, your expression is the most noticeable. Try wearing better clothes.

12/4/2020 #339 You are always welcome in any gathering. Just wear a damn mask and stand at least six feet from the others.

12/5/2020 #340 You will have gold pieces by the bushel. Not necessarily full bushels.

12/6/2020 #341 You will attract cultured and artistic people to you home. Help wanted: proofreader needed.

12/7/2020 #342 Your whole family are well. Including your dead ancestors.

12/8/2020 #343 The will of the people is the best law. Unless they’re stupid people.

12/9/2020 #344 Think of the danger while things are going smoothly. This advice seems more than a bit belated.

12/10/2020 #345 Good sense is the master of human life. Now, we just need to find some.

12/11/2020 #346 If you want to know how short a month is, ask someone who pays alimony. If you want to know how long life is, stay married to the asshole, instead.

12/12/2020 #347 Pray for the things you want, but work for the things you need. Good luck figuring out which is which.

12/13/2020 #348 Life to you is a dashing and bold adventure. Mainly because you’re nuts.

12/14/2020 #349 You are ambitious. Of course, if that were true, you wouldn’t need me to tell you that.

12/15/2020 #350 You will have gold pieces by the bushel. Gold-covered pieces of shit.

12/16/2020 #351 Travel along with the family can be a pleasant enjoyment. Especially if you like hearing the words, “Are we there yet?” over and over.

12/17/2020 #352 Nature, time and patience are the three great physicians. None of whom are licensed or have malpractice insurance.

12/18/2020 #353 You will be rewarded for being a good listener. Certainly, better off than you’ll be by reading these fortunes.

12/19/2020 #354 You will be awarded some great honor. Possibly an Oscar or a Golden Raspberry.

12/20/2020 #355 You and your wife will be happy in your life together. When you die, I have no idea how you’ll feel.

12/21/2020 #356 You are in good hands this evening. The question is, good at doing what?

12/22/2020 #357 You are never selfish with your advice or your help. Even when they both suck.

12/23/2020 #358 You have an active mind and a keen imagination. You have a real future as a fortune writer.

12/24/2020 #359 Strong and bitter words indicate a weak cause. Only a stupid jerk would say such a thing.

12/25/2020 #360 Your present plans are going to succeed. You did buy presents, right?

12/26/2020 #361 It is better to deal with problems before they arise. If you could do that, you wouldn’t need a fortune teller.

12/27/2020 #362 Participation in sports may lead you to a lucrative career. Along with potentially life-changing injuries.

12/28/2020 #363 Good news of a long-awaited event will arrive soon. Sorry about the lack of an ETA.

12/29/2020 #364 You’ll get more secure and confident in your relationships with co-workers. Especially if you have a one-person business.

12/30/2020 #365 You are never bitter, deceptive or petty. I’m so disappointed.

12/31/2020 #366 You have a reputation for being strait forward and honest. Good luck with that.

12/31/2020 Bonus — A sincere apology goes a long way. I’m so sorry about tweeting all these crappy fortunes every day this year. Better luck next year!

That’s it then. Hope you enjoyed these! 🙂

Originally published at http://randomandsundrythings.wordpress.com on October 13, 2021.