A Month’s Worth of Bad Fortune Cookies

3 min readJul 21, 2020

While I was taking a 30-day break from Twitter, I stopped posting these “Bad Fortune Cookies” there.

Since I plan to write a whole year’s worth of these, I thought I’d share the ones I didn’t post on Twitter during my time off.

I’m including the last one I tweeted before the 30 days started, as well as the first one I tweeted after making my triumphant return! 🙂

So here they are:

6/18/2020 #170 A modest man never talks of himself. Feel free to share this on social media.

6/19/2020 #171 You like participating in competitive sports. I like to watch them and write dumb fortunes.

6/20/2020 #172 When your ship comes in, let others aboard. Unless it’s on fire or sinking.

6/21/2020 #173 You have a quiet and unobtrusive nature. It’s a miracle I noticed you at all.

6/22/2020 #174 It’s nice to be remembered, but it’s far cheaper to be forgotten. I still don’t know what that means.

6/23/2020 #175 Apply yourself to the basics and progress will follow. But first think of what you’re trying to achieve.

6/24/2020 #176 Do not mistake temptation for opportunity. I’m tempted to say more, but I won’t.

6/25/2020 #177 You will always get what you want through your charm and personality. I hope you’re not a serial killer.

6/26/2020 #178 A half-truth is a whole lie. As a lawyer, I’m having a tough time with this one.

6/27/2020 #179 Behind an able man, there are always other able men. And behind each, at least one extraordinary woman.

6/28/2020 #180 Some pursue happiness; you create it. Please send me some.

6/29/2020 #181 A wise man knows everything. A shrewd one, everybody. Frankly, both sound exhausting.

6/30/2020 #182 A cheerful letter or message is on its way to you. From a smiling bill collector.

7/1/2020 #183 You have an active mind and a keen imagination. Please use one or the other or both.

7/2/2020 #184 You will have gold pieces by the bushel. A very small bushel.

7/3/2020 #185 You are very expressive and positive in words, act and feeling. Someday I’ll learn to write a proper sentence.

7/4/2020 #186 The heart is wiser than the intellect. You’re one heart attack away from becoming an imbecile.

7/5/2020 #187 Work methodically on one problem at a time. Methodically and quickly would be advisable.

7/6/2020 #188 Get your mind set — confidence will lead you on. Confidence is such a tease!

7/7/2020 #189 Strive for acceptance. Don’t settle for resignation. I can think of at least one person who should resign immediately.

7/8/2020 #190 Your steadiness provides others a sense of security. Basically, you’re too dull to be a threat to them.

7/9/2020 #191 Your luck has been completely changed today. To shit.

7/10/2020 #192 Confucius says show-off always shown up in show room. Well, he should know, I guess.

7/11/2020 #193 Versatility is one of your outstanding traits. You’ll do anything for a buck, won’t you?

7/12/2020 #194 You will have no problems in your home. Don’t go anywhere.

713/2020 #195 You and your wife will be happy in your life together. After that, you’ll just die.

7/14/2020 #196 You will always be surrounded by true friends. Which makes it really difficult to go to the bathroom.

7/15/2020 #197 Thing are turning for the bright side. Still working on my sentence structure.

7/16/2020 #198 You are soon going to change your present line of work. And, hopefully, actually make a decent living.

7/17/2020 #199 Time is the wisest counsellor. And, also, a bit of wise-ass.

7/18/2020 #200 You will be unusually successful in business. The question is, whose business?

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